Motherhood Optional: A Psychological Journey

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Reminding women that motherhood is an option, not a given (much less an instinct), New York psychotherapist Phyllis Ziman Tobin contends that choosing to be or not to be a mother is the defining rite of passage for today's woman. She draws on the composite struggles of real people to show how the dilemma is rooted in unexamined assumptions about normalcy, fear of change and loss of control, and the not always audible voices of our own mothers. Dr. Tobin challenges mental health professionals to recognize that coming to terms with the motherhood question is an act of maturation proper to every woman, an opportunity for self-creation. She herself recognizes that, for women who find themselves infertile or uncoupled or unconventionally situated, the question is compounded and painfully revisited as reproductive technology fails, adoption is considered, time passes. Whichever option a woman ultimately selects, she loses something, Dr. Tobin acknowledges - yet she gains by weighing the fear of now against the fear of never and being the agent instead of the victim of her regrets.

Motherhood Optional: A Psychological Journey Review

I am 4/5 through the book. I thought I was about to be enlightened, by being presented with an equal view of those who decided to BE mothers, and those who decided NOT to be. I am dissapointed to find that near reaching the last 1/5 of the book, among about 10 stories of women who have decided to become mothers, only one was of a woman who chose not to. Another bothersome point was the fact the thruogh most of the book, the topic of the economic weight a child brings was not discussed AT ALL. I was impressed that all (or most?) of the featured women were very well off economically. Or, perhaps it is the American work morals that are taken for granted (i.e. willing to spend the other part of life working hard to hold that family).

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